If you or someone you know has some of the following symptoms, you may be coming down (to earth) with sustainability. It can be contagious, but some people have strong resistance. Scientists believe that it may have something to do with a jean mutation. The jeans can be modified or removed, but some people don’t like to change because they’re comfortable just the way they are.
Just as a person who has obesity may begin to rely on a wheelchair to get around, a person who has sustainability may begin to rely on a bicycle to get around. Physical and mental conditions shape the surrounding environment.
Although some people feel uneasy about sustainability at first, they quickly begin to adapt to the condition. Some people do really crazy things like take up gardening or sell their cars. Once you catch sustainability, don’t be surprised if people with the mutated jeans call you crazy.
Once you’ve been diagnosed with sustainability, it’s helpful to join a support group with like-minded people who prefer trees over traffic and borrowing over buying. As the symptoms of sustainability increase, you may fall deeper into a wishful state of Utopia-euphoria wanting more people to contract your enthusiasm. Webweaver Earth
Here are some of the symptoms of sustainability:
Air. You go to parks and into the forest where the air is fresh and trees are plentiful. AIRNow
Banking. You closed your bank account and opened an account at a local credit union. Credit Union National Association
Whenever you go near a bank, you get withdrawal symptoms. PunOfTheDay
Bathroom. Your bathroom has a window which provides natural light and ventilation. American Restroom Association
Why are environmentalists bad at playing poker? They avoid the flush. Jokes4Us
Biking. Your bicycle is one of your main modes of transportation. People For Bikes
Charities. You give generously to a local nonprofit or faith-based organization and they give back to the community. Charity Navigator
Cooperation. You quit your corporate job to work for a co-op. National Cooperative Business Association
Energy. Your home is drawing power from renewable energy sources. Renewable Energy World
Food. You have access to organic fruits and vegetables within walking distance of your home. GMO Inside
Gardening. You have fun working together with your neighbors in the community garden. American Community Gardening Association
Healthcare. You have access to affordable healthcare. Michael Moore’s Health Care Proposal
Housing. Your home is affordable and you help others who need housing. Habitat for Humanity
Laundry. You hang your laundry out to dry. Project Laundry List
Leaders. You’re a good communicator and leader. Toastmasters
Library. You enjoy going to your local library on a regular basis.
Lighting. The sun is your main source of light all day. VELUX
Music. You hear nature sounds or appropriate tunes that enhance your home, workplace and other public spaces. American Music Therapy Association
Names. You’re on a first-name basis with your neighbors and workers in local businesses. NeighborWorks
Organics. You buy organic foods in the local farmer’s market and grocery stores. CCOF
Outdoors. Your home and workplace outdoor spaces are green and welcoming. Alliance for Community Trees
What did the activist get when he sat on the iceberg too long? Polaroids. Jokes4Us
People. You treat everyone with respect, regardless of their age, race or social status. Grassroots International
Pets. You often take your dog along wherever you go. Go Pet Friendly
Plantscaping. You have plenty of indoor plants. Plantscape Industry Alliance
Prevention. Your healthcare provider incentivizes doctors for prevention. American Journal of Preventive Medicine
Recycling. You have a donate box, a recycle bin and a compost pile, but you don’t have a garbage can. SCARCE
Salary. Your boss doesn’t make too much more than you or your colleagues. Salary
Schools. Your kids attend schools which teach them how to create a sustainable future for themselves and the community. Edible Schoolyard
Seeds. You trade seeds and plants with your neighbors. Seed Savers
Sharing. You borrow stuff and lend a hand. mesh
Steps. The staircase in your workplace is more attractive than the elevator. StairPorn
Students. Your kids are participating in solving real issues in the community. Youth Service America
Transportation. Your community is investing heavily in public transportation, bikeways, sidewalks and pathways. American Public Transportation Association
Volunteers. Your neighbors are engaged in making the community a better place to live. Volunteer Match
Water. Your drinking water is pure and safe. Local waterways are full of healthy marine life. American Water Works Association
Weight. You’re healthy, not malnourished or obese. Weight of the Nation
Work. It’s easy for you to find work opportunities near home. Smart Growth America
If you’re experiencing several of these symptoms, stay calm. If you generate too much excitement, the zombie police with mutated jeans may try to attack. They are known to be mindlessly unreasonable, doing raids on people who sell fruits and vegetables, for example. Check out this raid on an organic food store in California.
What’s the difference between zombies and patched jeans?
Zombies are dead men. Jeans are mended. JokeIndex
If you or your loved ones are coming down (to earth) with sustainability, the best thing you can do is band together with other level-headed people and come up with a smart plan to protect yourselves in the event of a random zombie invasion.